Day fifty-nine

Once again, I've begun writing while having lunch at work. Thankfully, I won't be working any overtime tonight. However, a bunch of us in shipping have to come in for additional training for a few hours tomorrow morning. I don't even know if the company is usually open on Saturdays, but if they aren't, that's probably why we're doing it tomorrow.

In the meantime, I discovered that my brother Joe had actually managed to find a job. It's a temporary job for an ice cream wholesaler, but at least he's gotten in the door somewhere. We've all been trying to light a fire under him to be more motivated in his job search. Actually, he's been fairly busy with job interviews recently.

Earlier this week, he went to train as part of an interview for a telemarketing job. They turned him down because they wanted a three-week commitment from him and wouldn't allow him to interview elsewhere. It sounds like they wanted him to start immediately and Joe wasn't sure about working there. I don't really blame him. Do a job search online and you will always find an abundance of telemarketing jobs. I would imagine it's a job with tremendous turnover; it must be hard when you spend most of your day trying to talk to people who really don't want to talk to you and aren't shy about it. When I was still looking for a job, I briefly thought about pursuing a telemarketing position. Truth be told, I would've made a poor telemarketer. I don't have great verbal skills, I'd likely be selling things you couldn't get me to buy, and I wouldn't want my pay to hinge on something as variable as sales.

My sister didn't go to work for the last couple of days and couldn't call in. The first day, she tried calling for three hours, and on one answered in any of the departments she called. She eventually had to go down in person just to let them know why she wasn't coming in. She found out that the company phone system was down and nobody could make any calls in or out. She thought she would be written up, but nothing came of it, due to circumstances beyond anyone's control. At the company where I work, if you fail to show up for two straight days and fail to call in, they will consider your position abandoned. If and when I leave the company, I hope it is on better terms than that.

Let's hope tomorrow goes a little better than today. Not that today has been bad, but that it's become very apparent that things in the digital printing room need to be streamlined badly. The last thing any of us need is to stop what we're doing to hunt for an order that was misplaced on someone else's watch.

Day fifty-eight

I'm sitting down to lunch as I write this entry. Of course, it's currently 6:05 pm so this may technically be dinner. Regardless, because of the new hours I now keep, I'll probably eat again when I get home.

I think we may have overtime again tonight. Usually, it's two hours, but I typically stay for just one. I don't have to take any of it, but it's time and a half, and at that time of night, the work continues but at less strenuous of a pace. It's been predicted to rain tonight, but we haven't seen a drop today. Hopefully, I won't need a ride tonight. As it is, I'm only staying because I didn't stay last night. I still have to come in on Saturday morning for more training.

This morning, I had to wake up early to receive the delivery of our new water heater. This is the third time we've changed water heaters in the not-quite seventeen and a half years we've loved in our house. The first time we replaced the heater that came with the house and was heavy with years (decades?) of water deposits. The second time was when that replacement (which lasted for nearly a decade) had a seal break and spilled water all over the garage floor. This time, our last heater had an issue with the thermal coupling that couldn't be fixed; this heater lasted less than three years. Hopefully, there will be hot water when I get home tonight.

Actually, if there were a good time for us to have water heater issues, it is this week. Dad has been off this week on annual leave that he had approved a year ago. He put in the water heater this morning, and was doing some additional work as I left for work this afternoon. God's timing. I know Mom appreciates having Dad, who is very handy, being a carpenter and all.

I'd better wrap this up, as it's now 6:22 pm as I write this last paragraph. I have eight minutes left and I need to finish the rest of my lunch.

…

Update: As of 8:36 pm, I haven't heard about overtime yet, and it's not raining. Maybe I can get off on time tonight and not have to ride (or wait for a ride) in the rain. We've had a very busy day, but by the grace of God, we've gotten caught up. Also, we seem to be setting up a better work system in the digital printing room. We need to be able to figure out quickly what needs to be shipped first, and the old setup made that difficult. Now, hopefully the system will run more smoothly. Also, I had forgotten today is Thursday, and Thursdays are routinely the busiest day of the week.

…

Update 2: it is now 10:39 pm, I've pulled an hour of overtime, but I should be home in time to post this by midnight. It's not raining, hopefully it won't start between now and then.

…

Update 3: it is 11:56 pm. I am home and it is raining. Oh well.

Day fifty-seven

Today was a very good day. A long day but a good one.

Today was the going-away party for Samantha Bahruth from the ladies in the nursery at church. I was able to attend and spend some time with her and her husband Joshua. They're taking off for San Antonio in March, so these opportunities to get together shouldn't be missed. I think they will enjoy the gift I got for them. It was both fun and useful, two great things that taste great together.

Work was a little different today. Today they moved me the warehouse floor and into the room where the company does digital printing. Up to this point, I've been working on stuff that uses traditional plate printing. The work isn't any more difficult, but it isn't easier either. Instead of handling a moderate number of orders ranging in size from small to large, I'm now helping to pack a large number of small orders. The biggest difficulty is that the lady with whom I was working doesn't speak much English and I don't really understand much Spanish. I don't understand terribly well; sometimes, I just understand her enough.

I'm still trying to get signed into the electronic timecard system. It uses a code number and a fingerprint scan. HR tried to give me my code, only to discover it didn't work. It's not a big deal, since I just use a paper timecard that gets signed at the end of every shift.

Outside, it's raining as I type this. We've needed the rain badly and I got out of having to do overtime by getting a ride home from work tonight. Add this to the party earlier, and it makes a nice triple blessing to end the day.

Day fifty-six

I had something I wanted to write about, and it has completely slipped my mind. I thought of it hours ago, but didn't write sooner because I didn't stay for overtime. I have an early day tomorrow.

I'm racking my brain, thinking it had to do with something I saw at work.

I can't remember. Whatever.

I did what we always complain Mom does. I thought I would remember what I wanted to write about, when I should've written it down. There's so much to keep straight in my head at work, so if something isn't that important, it gets pushed out of my mind. The work I do isn't difficult in itself, but it demands an attention to detail that requires you to pay close attention. Anything else on my mind would be a distraction.

All this to say, it probably wasn't that important or interesting a subject if I forgot it so easily.

Day fifty-five

I'm on my last break at work as I write this. I drew an extra hour of overtime less than half an hour before I would've gotten off.

It's been one of those days where everything seems to be happening at once. We're always fairly busy, but today seems busier than usual. There were a lot of big orders to be shipped, and one big one had to be re-boxed completely. Thankfully, I didn't have to do that, but it seems like one of those things that come up only when it's really busy.

Most of the stuff we box doesn't stick out too much in my mind. Usually it's just flyers, invitations, business cards, etc. Today, there were two unusual orders I boxed. They were very different but equally memorable, at least in my mind.

The first order was a set of bookmarks for a pro-life group. The front contained an actual photo of an aborted fetus. I don't really know what to say about it. I certainly didn't expect to see something like it in my work. On my first day, the most warning I got was that occasionally they get an order for a sexy calendar, and to use discretion in potentially handling them. I've always been pro-life, but the photo hammered the point home.

The second order was entirely different from the bookmarks. It was an order of postcards advertising a law firm. It was mass-soliciting for clients in Utah, which seemed odd to me considering how the card seemed deliberately designed to evoke The Sopranos, right down to the black and white of the lawyer's family and the font used. I assume it was meant to seem intimidating, but all it made me think is, "This guy's a shyster."

…

I'm home now at 11:50 pm and I'll get this posted on time.

Day fifty-four

I just got back from a morning of church, late breakfast, and Walmart for new shoes.

In Doulos this morning, we heard a message from 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18:

"16 Rejoice always, 17 pray continually,18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus."

It was one of those instances where I felt like I was hearing a message that was just for me. I came to the realization that as of late, I hadn't been rejoicing in God as I ought to have been. So much has been going on lately, so many things changing, that I had been struggling to honor and trust God. It's all too easy for us as believers to take our eyes off The Lord. He deserves our love and praise who gives us His blessings and love.

The pastor spoke about how we sometimes need to remember to preach the Gospel to ourselves. Last year, I had put Psalm 103 in the Notes app on my iPod Touch so that I could read it anytime. After a while, I stopped being so faithful about reading it to myself. I need to start doing that again. 

Day fifty-three

Since I got saved, my dad and I have become more close than we ever were before. Of course, now we have the unique connection of being brothers in Christ, which has only made our relationship better. It has caused me to open my heart to others and he has said that it has been an encouragement to him.

Dad and I were talking after work last night. I forget exactly how the conversation turned in this direction, but I talked about how God used Dad and mom to lead me to Himself. Dad mentioned that he had a grandmother that would take him and his siblings to church sometimes. He also described as kind, but perhaps not particularly demonstrative, which he said still made her the nicest person he knew on his life a that time. When she died, Dad had the chance to see her personal Bible and read the sorts of verses she would underline. With the benefit of hindsight, and the perspective of a more mature believer, he thinks she may have been saved.

While salvation is ultimately a work of the Holy Spirit, God does use people to accomplish His purpose. Jesus commands believers to make disciples of all the nations (Matthew 28:19). God clearly used my parents as part of His plan to draw me to Himself, as I believer He used Dad's grandmother as part of His plan to draw Dad.

I pray that God uses me to His purposes, however He may choose to use me.

Day fifty-two

Today was a good work day. Kind of an odd day, but a good day.

First off, we had a half-hour meeting that pre-empted our first break. They led thirty or forty of us into the conference room and set up the digital projector, which led me to think, "oh no, we're watching a sexual harassment video." Fortunately, that was not the case; they wanted to talk about the new employee handbooks.

I have already received the new handbook. They gave it to me on my first day, telling me I was the first one to receive it. It was professionally done, obviously done in-house, but it had one problem. It was a problem that must have been missed by several people and steps in terms of quality control. The word "brighter" was misspelled on the front cover. As it says, "Where your ideas, motivation and curiosity become the colorful strokes for a brigther tomorrow."

Not a good showing for a printing company; it was the very first thing I noticed.

Day fifty-one

I'm writing this while on break at work. It's 10:30 pm and I've just pulled an hour of overtime. I'm not going to have a lot of time to write when I get home. Thank goodness for the Notes app on my iPod Touch. Copy and paste tonight. If I write it now, there's still the chance to post it while it's still Thursday.

A little over an hour ago, we found out that we're having a four hour training meeting on Saturday, March 1. Congratulate me, for it's my first taste of mandatory overtime. Thankfully, it's from 8:00 am to noon, so I won't lose the whole time. There's going to be at least twenty of us there, and that's a lot of time and a half to pay out already.

I got my first paycheck today. I signed up for direct deposit last week, but it hasn't gone through yet. It could be because it was only half a pay period.

I'm doing much better today physically. I think I'm finally getting over this flu(?) I've has this week. I'm still sweating like a pig in the shop, but I'm not getting dizzy like I was before. That's definitely an answer to prayer.

Got to back to work; break is over.

…

Update: I got home at 11:43 pm. I'll be on time.

Day fifty

I just got holt from work a few minutes ago. They offered two hours of overtime but I didn't feel like I could do it physically. If I were feeling 100 percent, then maybe. Not today, though.

Time to backtrack a little bit. After being out sick for two days, I finally felt well enough that I felt I could go back to work. When I got there, I had to get a form from H.R. saying why I was out and for how long. I was worried because I didn't have a doctor's note and they want you to have one, but my manager didn't even mention it. That was definitely an answer to prayer.

Today, I prayed (both before and during work) that God would sustain me physically through the workday. He did, thankfully, but there were some hiccups along the way. First, I was sweating bullets from the moment I walked into the warehouse. I just rode my bike a mile and a half, the shop was warm, and I think I was running a low-grade fever. At one point, one of the managers had me stop for an extra break because I was getting dizzy. In the spot where I work, I tend to move around quickly, and I'm constantly turning. This can be mildly disorienting in the best of circumstances. I needed that break and I definitely appreciate getting it.

Another thing I noticed was how much slower I was working. I didn't want to tax myself physically, so I tried to take it easy. I was dragging physically by the end of the day. Getting home was even slower going. On top of my fatigue, I was riding into a steady wind from the north that was holding me back like a pair of stuck brakes. I had to walk about a third of the way home.

I want to wrap this up because I feel it's starting to take on a tone of complaint. Honestly, my day went as well as it could have under the circumstances. God answered my prayers for physical strength, and I am back to work without any problems. Time to take a shower and go to bed.

Day forty-nine

Another post going up early today. I had to call out sick for a second day today. When I called in, the HR person seemed in a much better mood than when I talked to her yesterday. I think she was anticipating me not coming in, since I said that was a possibility yesterday. Hopefully, I will be able to get back to work tomorrow. I just couldn't face the bike ride, especially since I was starting to feel a little dizzy.

I'm definitely praying that I will be well enough to work tomorrow. Even if I were well, it's not a very comfortable environment in which to work. There's the constant noise of the printing machines and the fact that it's a constant 75 to 80 degrees on the shop floor. You don't need to work too fast, but since there's constantly work to be done. The work is tiring enough when you're well; I don't think I could last the day if I'd gone in sick.

So, I'm going to wrap this up, as I'm light-headed and  want to lay down. Pray that I start to get better within the nxt day or so.

Day forty-eight

I am sick today. It actually started yesterday morning with a slightly irritated throat, then it escalated from there. My sister came down from Fresno for the long weekend, complaining of a stomach bug. For her, it came and went in about a day. Since I had similar symptoms, I thought I would be better today. I was not.

As I write this, it is 5:40 pm, a time at which I would nor all be at work. Yes, one week into my new job, I have already needed to take a sick day. To make matters worse, I called the only contact number I had to call, which was human resources. An hour and a half after I should have been there, I got a call from a HR person, checking up what was going on. It turns out I should've called my manager whose number I do not have, and the person I did call wasn't in today. For the first ninety or so minutes of this workday, I had an ine fused absence that would be a potential black mark on my record.

I'm going to try and go back tomorrow. I think they need to know that I'm not faking. I realize that it's really weird to be sick your second week of work, but it's not the first time this has happened to me. When I began my pharmacy externship, I ended the first week by catching the flu. When I was rehired in Glendale in October 2012, I got sick, again having just been rehired.

I think God is trying to teach me something in all this. I had seriously thought about just powering through my illness and going in, but I haven't real gotten better yet. I pray that what we consequences I may have to face when I go back, that I would accept them with grace and humility.,

Day forty-seven

Some time late last night, the blog broke 1000 views. I don't know who's been reading this blog, but I thank you for continuing to come back each day. I know there have been times in my walk with The Lord where I've heard things from others that I needed to hear because they specifically addressed an issue with which I was struggling, even when the person saying it didn't realize it. I pray that maybe in some way what I say has been or will be that thing for somebody. There have been times where I haven't known what I was going to write about on a particular day, but then something happens like today, where a particular topic will become crystal clear.

I pray that God would be glorified in what I say and do. I know God deserves better than He what He get from me, but then, I don't deserve any of the good things He has given me. I need, as any believer, to be reminded constantly of the blessings that God has given me, especially as a still fairly young believer in a world determined to distract us from the things of God.

Lord, silence my doubts, incline my heart to trust You always, drive out bitterness and selfish pride, and fill me with Your love and clothe me with Your righteousness.

Day forty-six

As I write this, I'm watching my brother able play an old G.I. JOE game on an emulator. Chewy was sitting next to me, staring and barking for attention. He will hop up and down, bark and roll around just to get attention.

It feels weird for me to not be at work at this time. This week was actually the first time I've had to be anywhere for at least six hours a day five days a week since I was in high school. I graduated back in 2003, so you can see how long it's been.

No other news apart from that. Dad told me the other day that when you work full time, one day tends to be much the same as any other. Still, each day I pray that I would work hard that day, that I would stay safe, and that God would be glorified in the work I do. He has answered all my prayers regarding work thus far, and my hope is that I would continue to grow in trusting Him wherever He leads me in life.

Day forty-five

My first week of work is done.

Being Valentine's Day, I got a slice of red velvet cake and the opportunity to leave work early. It's been a good week. I think we're getting some new people starting this Monday.

When I left for the day, my boss asked me how I was doing. I told him I made some mistakes but that I was trying to learn from them. I also said that I wasn't interested in making anyone else work harder because of my mistakes. He seemed to appreciate that.

My sister came down for the long weekend from Fresno, even though she doesn't seem to be feeling well. She has Presidents' Day off as does Dad, who's a federal employee. I'll be working.

Day forty-four

Today was a good day, easily the first time I've felt good about my new job. And it's all because of a mistake I made that someone else had to fix.

I was packing up orders of business cards for a particular order. They were similar cards for the same business, and because I wasn't paying enough attention, I got them mixed up when I boxed them. When the boxes were checked, they discovered the mix-up. Two ladies I work with found the mistake and had to fix it. I don't know why they didn't have me fix it. The quality control had to talk to me about making sure everything's in order before I box an order. After that, it was a dead issue.

I think God allowed it to happen for a few reasons. First, I think it was a lesson in humility. Nothing proves you're not too good for a particular job like making a mistake that someone else has to fix. I went to the ladies later and thanked them for essentially getting me out of a jam. They said not to worry about it, but I wanted them to know that I appreciated it. Second, that was really the first time I've begun to open up to my new co-workers. I'm always a little guarded in a new environment, but that guardedness is starting to dissipate.

Thinking about it, I'm also learning to let to of past mistakes. There was a time when I would've obsessed over the mistake I made. Now, I'm better for it, and I'm happier about working at this new place. I don't need to worry about making mistakes; I just need to be careful and conscientious about my work.

Day forty-three

Just got home from work about ten minutes ago. I'm continuing to learn what I need to know, trying to avoid careless mistakes, and trying to learn from the mistakes I make.

Tonight is kind of a funny night. I'm not sure if I was supposed to stay late or not. My boss said there might be overtime tonight to finish up packing stuff because the shipping system had to be shut off for some reason (there is a graveyard crew but I think they only handle the actual printing). I didn't really want to stay, but just to be sure, I asked if there would be overtime. He said he didn't think it was going to happen after all.

I'll say this, the company or at least my boss, does seem very interested in how I'm doing. I think they may want to cross-train me at some point. Right now, I'm just packing printed and cut documents (postcards, business cards, etc.) into boxes for shipping. Working at my old job has prepared me for this inasmuch as handling things in the order of hundreds and learning quality control on such large numbers.

I am slowly starting to work a little faster than before. Today was the first day where it was a little slow at the start of our shift, but things sped up quickly. It was the first time that I got the sense that I was working slower than I could be.

All in all, I'm learning, I'm getting better, and I'm praying that God will continue to guide me along this career path, wherever He may lead me.

Day forty-two

Quick post, late posting. This is the closest I've come to actually missing a day.

I drew an hour of overtime. I got all my equipment I need for work, I end to get my temporary timecard signed tomorrow, because everyone who could sign it left at the regular time. I just came in the door a few minutes ago to discover it's my turn to do the dishes. I'm pretty sure someone advanced it so they ouldbt have to do it. It's not like that hasn't happened before.

Getting this posted with three minutes to spare.

Day forty-one

As I write this, it's 10:03 pm. I just finished my first day of work at the printing company. Normally, I would still be there at this time, but I had to come an hour early, so they let me go an hour early.

First off, I am grateful to God that He put me in this place. The people who work there are friendly and were helpful when I had a question about some issue. It seems like there's so much to remember and so many minute details to which I must pay attention. On the plus side, the packing work itself isn't difficult. From what I've heard, they want to bring on even more people. I hope that I work hard and faithfully as long as God keeps me there.

Since I am rather pessimistic by nature, I tend to let my feelings get the better of me. I have trouble dealing with change, and changing jobs seemed difficult, even if it has been for the best. This job has a lot of pluses over my last job: close to home, better pay, steady hours, vacation time, benefits. It's a job where you can stay busy, which I don't mind, since I tend to be a clockwatcher.

All in all, it seems like a good place for me to be, especially since they seem glad to have me there. I don't know how long God will keep me there; I could be there for ten years or ten months for all I know.

Lord, this is where you have led me for this time; help me to trust in You now and whenever You may lead me.

Day forty

My new job starts tomorrow. I don't feel nervous about it, for now at least. I'm glad about this, because I know it would make kind of drag my feet about going. Not to say that I wouldn't go, but rather that any nervousness would cause me to show up with a certain reluctance. I think it helps that I got a chance to see how things would work when I did my interview.

I hope things go well tomorrow. Admittedly, I am a pessimist by nature. Even if I don't have any reason to be worried, I will tend to be anxious about a situation where's there's a degree of uncertainty. I will say that it has kept me in prayer, as it has motivated me to pray to The Lord that He would help me to trust Him in every situation. Even now, I strive to live a life of trusting The Lord rather than operating out of ungodly, cowardly fear.

It amazes me now that I ever managed to accomplish anything before I got saved. I lived in a world built upon fear and uncertainty, and tried to protect myself by sealing myself away from the world. Obviously, something had to give and the world wasn't going to yield to me, any more than it would yield to the foolish whims of any other man. Proverbs 16:25 says, "There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death." That pretty well covers it.

This new job is a good reminder that God is sovereign in all areas of life, even the little mundanities that we all take for granted.

Day thirty-nine

I've been writing a lot lately about my own job search. While it has been fruitful in providing fodder for this blog, in top of being an answer to prayer, I'm not the only one around here who's been looking. My brother has been searching as well, with mixed results.

The thing about my brother Joe is that it's hard to keep him motivated unless it's something that interests him. He has an interest in electronics, and in the past, I've tried to subtly encourage him that arena. Joe will do whatever he'll decide to do; he's a little like our mom in that way. Doing what he wants to do when he wants to do it.

Fortunately, again in answer to prayer, Joe has been faithfully searching for another job. He hasn't held a job in about six years when he was working part-time at McDonald's, where he managed to become a supervisor. He finally finished college this last semester, although what his major was I have no idea. I felt he should have pursued a degree in broadcasting or production, since he has been nurturing the idea of trying to break into TV writing. Living in Los Angeles, there are programs that one can enter that will train potential screenwriters, either through the major studios or the Writers' Guild of America. How seriously Joe may pursue any of these options, I don't know. Sometimes, trying to get a straight answer is like pulling teeth.

I realize that the tone of this post may seem critical of my brother, but it's not meant to be. Truth be told, I see a little bit of myself in my brother. A little too willing not to take action when it matters, and a tendency to get defensive when someone approaches about it; that could easily apply to him, or to me not too long ago.

For those reading, pray for my brother. Pray that he would find the job God means for him, but more importantly, pray that The Lord would draw near to him. Joe has made a profession of faith and been baptized, but I don't think he's saved. There isn't the fruit there that ought to be evident in the life of a believer. I pray for him; may my prayers for him and my sisters be more fervent.

Day thirty-eight

The Winter Olympics have begun, and I must confess that I don't have much interest in the games themselves. In general the Olympics typically don't capture my interest, but the Winter Games in particular tend to pass me by. Some people flat out hate the games, but I can't muster enough energy to even hate.

I tend to think a lot of people have trouble taking interest in the Olympics when they come around. Tape-delayed events, many sports to which most people would pay no attention otherwise, and athletes that we only ever hear about in regard to the games leaves little for people to take much interest. In the United States, we like our star athletes but there aren't any right now, unless anyone manages a breakout performance.

It doesn't help that the media reports coming out of Sochi, Russia have made it abundantly clear the Russians have been woefully unprepared for housing the athletes and the media alike. Stories of unfinished hotels and bees in the food have been flooding out, although not the water, ironically, unless you don't mind it being toxic and "beer-colored" when it actually flows.

I heard someone say on the radio today that the Olympics is the host country's opportunity to put on their best face for the world. If that's true, it makes me wonder how we ever feared that the Soviets would conquer the world.

Day thirty-seven

Time for another round of random thoughts:

-Today was the last day of my old job. It was both not a big deal and an unusual workday. Both my boss and his dad who run the business had left before lunchtime. I spent most of the day sweeping the shop floor. This wouldn't seem like much, but the floor doesn't get cleaned very often or even very thoroughly when it does happen. Other than these things, it was as much like any other day as it could be. The only bad part is that I had to wait at an unsheltered bus stop in Glendale.

-Tomorrow morning, I have to visit a clinic in Van Nuys for what I assume is a drug test. It was a requirement for when I got hired at the printing company and tomorrow's the last day I can take it. It's not the first time I've taken one, and I know they're becoming more common. I just pray the weather will be better, as I'll need to get on the bus again.

-Lately, my sleeping patterns have been very odd. The later night, I fell asleep early but kept waking up every hour or so. This morning, I woke up at 4:30 but didn't get up until 4:50. I think my internal clock is adjusting to my new schedule. Starting Monday, I will no longer need to get up to catch a bus at 5:30 am. Since my new workday will be 2:00-10:30 pm, I'm going to become more of a night owl by default.

…

I want to take a nap, but it's after 5:00 pm. It's too late for me; if I do take a nap, I'll never sleep tonight.

Day thirty-six

Tomorrow is my last day at my present job. I find that I have rather mixed feelings about it. While I'm glad that I found a new job and there will be many benefits to it, I still find that there's a part of me that's a little sad to go.

The place where I work is the first job I've ever had. I did have a part-time job working in a pharmacy when I did my training, but it was unpaid and I haven't done any pharmacy work since. I got the job through a former friend of my sister. He was working for his brother-in-law and thy needed someone who could be an unskilled assembler. Not having held a job of any kind at that point, being one year out of high school, I was as unskilled as you could get.

I've actually worked for the company twice. When I was hired the first time in September 2004, I worked full-time for a year, then scaled back my hours to go back to school. Eventually, the economy slowed down and it hit our industry hard, such that I was laid off in January 2008. In that time, I finished college, went to trade school & got my pharmacy license, and in March 2012, I got saved.

Fast forward to late October 2012. At this point, I've been saved for about seven months. I've been foreign in my walk with The Lord, and from that, I've begun cultivating that first real friendships I've had in my life. I got a call from my boss saying that they've heard that I don't have a job (my boss and I go to the same church) and called me back in to help with things. Since then, I've been working in an as-needed basis, so there have been stretches where I haven't worked for weeks at a time. Of course, things are too tight to keep working that way, so the time has come to move on to someplace else.

I'm grateful that my boss was willing to take me back, and I'm thankful to God for using them to meet the needs I've had, and that He found me the new job . I start on Monday.

Day thirty-five

As I've grown in my walk as a believer, something I've come to realize about myself is that I have trouble letting go of the past. Old failures, missed opportunities. Times when I could've acted one way and chose to do the opposite.

Of course, I can't undo any of the things I've done or do the things I didn't do. They were for the times and places when they happened, but I can't take them back.

Scripture admonishes believers to " (forget) what is behind and strain toward what is ahead, (pressing) on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called (us) heavenward in Christ Jesus" as Philippians 3:13-14 says. I have trouble letting go the past, the good and the bad, old blessings and old sins. That verse reminds us of both signs of the issue: leaving the past and pressing forward toward what lies ahead. For believers, that means what lies above, eternity with The Lord in heaven.

The thing is, I know that I can't change what has already happened and I can't have the things of the past. Really, I shouldn't want them. Regardless of all this, there is still a temptation to look back and wonder what might've been. Of course, God has a plan for the life of every believer, and if something does or doesn't happen, it's only because God means for that thing to happen and acts accordingly. 

The ability to forget is a mercy that God Himself extends to us when He saves us. Isaiah 43:25 says, "I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more." When our sins are forgiven, God no longer holds them against us. It's a very comforting and liberating thing to remember, something I very much need to remember. 

Day thirty-four

An update to yesterday's post: I have disabled ads on the blog. They should be disappearing soon.

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I originally had something in mind that I wanted to write about tonight, but I'm going to hold off on that topic. It's not the right time for it, but it'll come later. I promise.

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If I've learned anything while writing this blog, it's that you can't force inspiration. I've found that if I try too hard to think of something to write about, I tend to draw blanks. Nothing seems like a good idea when I'm straining.

There are other times, however, when things happen that make sense to write about. For example, there's all the stuff about my new job (which I start in exactly one week, by the way). I don't really know what will happen from one day to the next, but then, none of us knows. Proverbs 27:1 says,
"Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring."

Sometimes this blog is fun to do, and then there's those days where it just sort of functions as an exercise. Like today, for instance. Still, I made a promise that I would update daily, and I haven't broken that  promise yet. Not that I haven't reconsiders that promise, but that I know I need the discipline to do this daily if I'm going to do it at all.

Day thirty-three

I think it's time for another round of random thoughts:

-I'm thinking of getting rid of the ads on this site. Since they were added a few weeks ago, they have generated ad revenue in the area of … one cent. I haven't noticed any more ads for Dianetics, but just the same, they're not doing much of anything for me, so they may be gone soon.

-As I write this, I'm listening to Brian Wilson perform "Our Love Is Here To Stay" from his album Reimagines Gershwin. He does a good job, being true to how the song should be performed, while also putting his own distinct sound on the song.

-When I think about what I wrote yesterday about patience, I think God for me to learn from it as muc as anyone who might read it. When I finished and published that post, I found myself grappling with how I felt about it. It's probably the most  important thing I've written thus far, but at the same time, reading it made me realize still how sorely lacking I am in the area of patience. On the plus side it led me to discover Psalm 27:13-14, a verse I'm working to commit to memory.

Day thirty-two

Patience is a difficult thing. Like so many other things, we demand it of others so readily, and yet, we can be very reticent in extending it to others. I know I have have struggled with patience, with others and with The Lord.

Scripture has much to say about patience. Psalm 37:7 says to "rest in The Lord, and wait patiently for Him", while In Psalm 40:1, David writes, " I waited patiently for the Lord; And He inclined to me, And heard my cry." We are repeatedly called to wait on The Lord, in these two verses and elsewhere in Scripture. So, why be patient?

Simply put, true patience characterizes true love. 1 Corinthians 13:4 says plainly, "love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud." It is indicative of the kind of love we as Christians are to cultivate. It is the love of others with no regard for ourselves. It is the love that God expressed to us in the sacrifice of His Son, Jesus Christ, on the cross.

So, why be patient with The Lord? Psalm 27:13-14 puts it very well:

13 I remain confident of this:
    I will see the goodness of the Lord
    in the land of the living.
14 Wait for the Lord;
    be strong and take heart
    and wait for the Lord.

Now, I didn't know all these verses off the top of my head. I'm just as needful as anyone else reading this to commit these verses to memory. For myself, especially, Psalm 27:13-14 would be valuable to remember that what we have to patient for is worth everything, the good and the bad.