Day one-hundred-fifty-one

As I write this, I'm sitting in our backyard, my legs and right foot itching from about four mosquito bites. I think I just heard some fireworks go off to the eats of our house. It's early, guys.

…

I've gotten some response to yesterday's post about what I was doing with the blog. My friend Joshua gave me some things to consider regarding how I ought to handle the writing.

First, am I honoring The Lord in what I write? The honest answer is, sometimes, but not always. There are some things I wouldn't have written looking back on them, but I don't want to remove them because they are what I honestly felt like writing at the time. Also, it would disrupt what I've written since some things have carried over for multiple posts. When I write about things that speak specifically to believers, I do seek to write in a manner that is clear, truthful, and is grounded in Scripture. People really seem to resolve to that.

Secondly, is what I'm writing self-serving? The blog has become a place for me to vent, much of it frustrations about work. I'll readily admit that much of the work-related content cannot be very interesting to read. Also, when I first started, I wondered if this could lead to a potential career. Looking back, I could see that was incredibly ambitious thinking on my part. So far, this has simply been a daily exercise for me to put my thoughts down, especially as I find it so difficult to express myself verbally. So, I don't know who else gets anything out of this blog, but I know it's been good for me. It's helped me to gather my thoughts and motivated me to speak up what it really mattered.

Thirdly, is what I'm writing potentially helpful, or something I wish I'd learned from someone else?  I do want to write things that are meaningful, that are in some way reaching the audience. I'm not talking about being high-minded or "deep", just that somebody somewhere could read it and see that someone else has dealt with similar issues or shared in a similar struggle. 

I've also been thinking about whether or not to scale back the output of the blog. Taking all that I've just written into consideration, I don't really want to scale back the frequency of updates, I've just been uncertain because I've written so much about just a few things. So I ask, pray that God would grant me wisdom in my writing, that as we are called to do all things to His glory, that God would be glorified in this labor.

…

This afternoon, Mom, Dad, and I went to a baby shower for my friend Eneida. We had a very nice time, the food was great, and Eneida got to know Mom and Dad a little better. I think she appreciated having an older Christian couple there she could speak to. I hope she enjoys the gifts.

Also, in swapping baby stories, I learned a few things about myself. For example, when Mom was in her eight month carrying me, she wound up in the hospital no less than twelve times, each time being given medication to stop labor. Dad says they actually went more times than that, but twelve was the number of times they actually went so far as to check in.

I was eight pounds, twelve ounces at birth, a good size for a baby born eleven days early.

Day one-hundred-fifty

I don't know it is, but today really feels like it's dragging. It might be because it's not very busy, although there's been plenty to do here at work. Maybe it's because it's Friday and today is the last day of a short week. Whatever; the week is almost done.

…

Sometimes I wonder what I ever really intended to do when I started blogging. I just started writing, never really intending to go in any particular direction. That attitude is reflected in the actual writing of each day's entry. Most days, I don't have a particular subject in mind when I sit down to write. Often, I will simply start writing and see where my thoughts take me.

I think that might be another of several reasons why I write so much about work. It gives me a fixed starting point from which to produce.

…

Update-10:13 pm: Work has wrapped up for the week, nothing else to do. We've swept up, shipped the last items due today, and restocked our boxes for next week. As I write us, I'm running out he clock until 10:30.

By the way, I'm on camera (five of them, actually) as I write this. Not that there's anything to see

Day one-hundred-forty-nine

Today's one of those days where I considering not updating on a daily basis. There's not much to say today. It's quiet, busy but not hectic, and I took care of some things that needed doing for quite a while. Other than that, it's been an unexceptional day.

Having experienced periods of both steady employment and prolonged unemployment, I can say that they have one thing in common: after a while, the days all start blending into one another. The same things tend to happen day after day after day, whether it's working eight hours a day or spending eight hours looking for a job online.

I've been unemployed twice. The first time was from January 2008, when I was laid off from my first job, to November 2009, when I began my pharmacy externship. I was unemployed again from February 2010, when I finished pharmacy technician training, to October 2012, when I was rehired by the first company I had worked for from 2004 to 2008.

I struggled in my job search. In all the dozens of job applications I'd submitted and all the job postings to which I responded I got interviewed twice, both of which I'd written about before. God led me to the job He meant for me, and I'm thankful for it, even if I don't always like it.

That last paragraph also reminds of another reason why I'm considering cutting back the updates: I've already begun repeating myself.

Day one-hundred-forty-eight

Things are better in the digital room today. Christina has begun training on the roll label machine and she has already left for the day.

Ana is speaking to me again. For one thing, she now has to speak to me since Christina has moved on. Secondly, Christina's presence made her an unintentional source of tension for Ana. Early in the shift, Ana made it clear that she felt we didn't need a third person, and for the time being, we don't. I realize this will change eventually, but for the present time, I'm willing to play it her way.

Otherwise, things are good. I get paid overnight tonight, thankful for direct deposit. I have some shopping to do in the morning for something I cannot talk about at the moment. I will, later on, if I have permission.

Not much else to say today. Sometimes, it's best to just keep things short and sweet.

Day one-hundred-forty-seven

Big news today. Management has decided that Christina should be the new operator of the roll label machine in the digital room; she interviewed for it last Friday. She is nervous but excited about her new prospect. She'll train for two to four weeks on the first shift, and if she seems to be the right fit, she will take over Jeremiah's spot on the second shift.

Both Christina and Jeremiah, who is our new shipping lead for the second shift, start their new positions tomorrow. Naturally, this provides a solution to the ongoing trouble between Christina and Ana. Soon, they won't have to be working together.

The funny thing is, today Ana and Christina have been speaking to one another more cordially. Ana has been quiet for most of the day, but just before lunch, she has begun opening up again. She still hasn't said anything to me, but then, I haven't said anything to her, either.

Honestly, I'm not sure what to say to Ana. Should I apologize for not saying anything to her? Should I ask her how she's been? I don't know if she would even acknowledge me if I tried anything.

I find myself thinking that I've allowed this situation to affect my behavior. Have I cut myself off from Ana because of her behavior? In other words, have I allowed someone else's behavior to dictate my own when I know that I ought to be loving toward others regardless of how they've acted? I think I have.

I don't approve of how Ana treated Christina in the slightest, but I need to remedy my own situation with Ana if we're going to continue working together. I pray that I would say the right things and that Ana would be receptive. I'll let you know what happens.

…

Update 6:59 pm- Ana was preparing to move out the large plastic bag we fill with our small order boxes for ground shipping. I saw an opportunity, and I told Ana I would take it for her. She stared at me for a second, then mouthed the word, "Okay".

It's a start.

Day one-hundred-forty-six

Memorial Day is winding down now. It's 8:20 pm as I write this, and it's funny to think that normally, I would be at work at this time. It seems like three days is long enough for a long weekend. Two days seem too short, and four days seem too long, at least to me.

We barbecued again today. More carne asada and potato salad. Our cousins came over for lunch; for once, we barbecued early this year.

…

I've been thinking about how many people I know are or were in the military at some point. Between family and church, I've known people who are or were in the Navy and Marines. As I speak, two of my cousins are currently in the Navy, one of whom spent time on a submarine.

Dad was in the Navy in the seventies, part of the Seabees. He spent time in the Aleutian Islands, Okinawa, Puerto Rico, Diego Garcia in the center of the Indian Ocean, and Port Hueneme.

He once said that when he was on the island of Adak (in the Aleutians), it was sunny only two days out the whole year he spent up there. Both times, they gave everyone the day off.

I never gave much thought to joining the military. Certainly, my dad never said we couldn't, if it seemed like that was where God was leading any of us. Of course, he never exactly encouraged us to pursue the military as an option, either. The only time I ever really gave it much thought was during a prolonged period of unemployment I had a few years ago. It never went beyond a mild consideration, and thankfully, other options came along. I never spoke to a recruiter, and honestly, I think that if I had, I might've allowed myself to be talked into joining when that would've certainly been a mistake.

God bless those who do serve, who have the strength of character or the kind of mindset or temperament that can succeed or even thrive under military discipline. It is one of the most demanding things a person can do, and it involves tremendous personal sacrifice.

Just writing this makes me begin to understand the use of the military as a symbol of the Christian life. Both demand discipline, devotion, brotherhood, and submission to a commander. Both involve taking up armor and preparing oneself for battle. Both seek the objective of victory in those battles.

May I be the soldier Christ equips me and strengthens me to be.

Day one-hundred-forty-five

A quiet Sunday, today. We're getting ready to barbecue tomorrow. More carne asada.

Not much to write about today. I'm just glad I don't have to work tomorrow. My sister does, but not too late, which is nice.

I'm not looking forward to work on Tuesday. Considering how things were on Friday, I don't know what kind of situation I'll be walking into on Tuesday. Ana wasn't speaking to me or Christina, and I honestly didn't know what to say to her. I didn't want to say anything to her, because she was visibly simmering all day, and looked about ready to go off.

I'm not sure what's going to happen, but I do know things can't stay as they are. Ana doesn't have the right to mistreat Christina, and Christina doesn't have to put up with it. Also, I refuse to be a party to any mistreatment. It was going on right under my nose, and I didn't know it. I feel bad about that, but I know about it now. I'm not going to stand by anymore. 

I'm praying that I would trust God in all this mess. Pray that there would be a resolution to all this and that God would enable me to do right at work. 

Day one-hundred-forty-four

As I write this, I'm at my cousins' house in Eagle Rock, attending a party for all the birthdays among various family and friends for the month of May. Everyone is drinking except Mom, Dad, and me.

Even my brother and sister Laura have been splitting 11-ounce bottles of Smirnoff Ice. Laura is starting to feel the effects of the Smirnoff; she and Joe are starting to have those minor semantic arguments of the mildly intoxicated. Namely, they are mildly arguing over how much they've had to drink.

As we speak, a group of my cousins are partaking in a beer-enhanced game of Uno.

Frankly, I'd rather walk the two-and-a-half mile round trip to the Tommy's down on Colorado Boulevard for a Diet Pepsi than work the six feet to my left to grab a beer. I just find drinking alcohol too distasteful a habit.

The one and only time I've tasted alcohol was for Laura's twenty-first birthday in 2004. We went to the Macaroni Grill and Laura decided she wanted to try some wine. Being only nineteen at the time, I asked if I could sample some of it as well. The wine Laura selected had citrus essence in it, so when I tried it, it tasted like rotten orange peels. It is and was the most vile thing I have ever tasted. I have not tried any alcohol at all since that time, and that was ten years ago now.

It's telling that the only time I've ever been tempted to drink was right before I got saved. I was at a very low point and in absolute despair. I wanted to just stop feeling so terrible, and for the only time in my life, I was tempted to drink. I thank God that He stopped me from yielding to that temptation. Too many of our relatives struggled with drinking and I just don't want to be a part of that.

Day one-hundred-forty-three

Quickly, I have not yet decided about whether to scale back posting regularly. I will say that suggesting I would has driven up my numbers slightly.

…

It has been a tension-filled day at work, to say the least. Two of my co-workers, Ana and Christina, have had some trouble getting along. They've had issues between each other as lot as Christina has been working in the digital room. I think Ana resents her presence in a crowded working environment, coupled with the fact that Christina is still fairly new and thus still makes the mistakes common to working in a new place.

Things have reached the point where Christina tried to move back out to the warehouse, but our manager, John, won't allow her. I can't say I blame her for wanting to leave or him for having her stay put, because honestly, the problem is primarily Ana.

I know this is the case, because when I moved into the digital room, I had problems with her. When John asked me to start doing more shipping, I told Ana and she resisted. I went back to John and he spoke to her about it. Eventually, she relented, and now, she has me handling the shipping when we return from our final break at 8:40 pm.

I don't know what sort of resolution there will be to all this. Today Chrsitina interviewed to take over operating one of the digital room machines, and eventually, all of us packers will be back out on the warehouse floor. Things are extremely tense right now, and I get the sense that things have been building for a while.

Meanwhile, Christina and I are walking around on eggshells, and unless she absolutely has to speak to us, Ana has pretty much frozen us out. This is easily the worst thing I've had to face in the time I've been working here. Christina has already gone to Human Resources about it. I don't really know what's going to happen.

Pray for God's guiding hand in all this.

Day one-hundred-forty-two

Lately, I've been thinking about scaling back the frequency of this blog. This thought is not new, not is it something of which I've made a firm decision. I certainly don't want to give it up, but sometimes, it does get to be a bit of a chore.

There are a few reasons for why I would consider scaling back the updates. Firstly, the majority of the posts tend to have the same sort of content from day to day; namely, work. I wrote so much about work because it's such a frequent source of material, but I'll admit, I'd much rather write about other more interesting things, but those don't come along too often.

Secondly, it's becoming more inconvenient to write on a daily basis. I don't have a lot of time during a weekday to sit and write. As you may know, I've taken to writing these post during breaks and lunchtime at work just so they would have a chance of being on time. More than once, I've come very close to missing a day, and I've had to resort to small filler posts with no discernible content just to have something to post that day.

It's something for me to think and pray about. I'll certainly post about it if and when I decide anything.

Day one-hundred-forty-one

Another busy day. It's gotten to the point where days are starting to blend into one another. Unless something major or at least out of the ordinary occurs, one day isn't much different from another.

Just last night, my sister announced her intention to quite her job at Target. She's starting to encounter the same problems that drove her to quit Starbucks: mismanagement, stress, and the curse of being a solidly good worker (unwillingly inheriting responsibility to make up for others' incompetence or indifference).

Cut to this morning. My work finally contacted her about the application she submitted almost a month ago. They asked her a few questions and now she may be getting an interview. God's timing, really. She has gotten so fed up with how things are run at Target that she fully intended to quit despite not having another job.

I feel very blessed that I haven't had that kind of working environment in either of the jobs I've had. Of course, this job is the first one where I've held any major responsibility. Liv had that kind of responsibility thrust upon her in a situation borne of incompetence and indifference on the part of management.

…

I feel off, physically. Not sick, but off. That feeling where nothing seems to be wrong, but where you're dragging, lightheaded, and tired. I've felt off this whole day. Even my legs feel kind of heavy.

This whole day has been kind of off-kilter, starting with not waking up until 12:10 this afternoon. I haven't slept that late since before I got saved. I've also felt hungry all day. I don't know. Maybe I do just need to eat something (it's 10:12 pm as I write this, well past lunch) and try to get to sleep earlier tonight.

Day one-hundred-forty

My numbers are now dropping back to their regular levels. After Monday's post hit a record high of thirty-eight views, yesterday's post came in at nine. I don't know who all reads this blog, but I know it's typically just a handful.

…

It's been a quiet day, but for the first time in quite a while, this workday feels like it's dragging. My co-worker Ana is under the weather, so I'm trying to take it easy on her, leaving her to handle just the shipping while the rest of us handle packing. I hope she gets better soon.

I had something in mind I wanted to write about, but I've forgotten. At the time, it seemed important, but I can't remember what it was. Maybe it wasn't so great after all. I was trying to keep it in mind to write down, but that's not easy to do when you have a job that demands a lot of attention to small details.

…

After lunch, Ana asked if I could donate some money to a cause for her church. They were raising money to provide ultrasounds to women who are considering abortions. The idea seems to be that if they are shown the children inside them are indeed alive, then perhaps they would reconsider. I gave her some money and I hope that it is indeed put to good use. Scripture tells us that children are a gift from heaven, and indeed, I have met Ana's three children whom she loves very much.

I don't know if I'll ever have children, but if I do, I hope to be a godly father with a godly woman as a wife and mother. And maybe, just maybe, I'm getting there.

Day one-hundred-thirty-nine

Yesterday's post had the single largest number of readers for a single post in the now one-hundred-thirty-nine days I've been writing this blog. Would that I could write like that more often.

…

I had a very strange dream last night.

I'm at church. I'm called over to help someone in the far west parking lot, which is at the far end of the very next block from the church. When I get there, I find a small girl, maybe two years old. Something is wrong with her, because she is laying on a table, frozen in a strange sort of twisted but splayed position, like a doll with inarticulate limbs. I take her in my arms, and everyone seems to think she is dead. Suddenly, her whole body seems to relax and she begins moving. All is well. The dream ends.

I have no idea where this dream came from, what it means, or if it even has any meaning at all. I don't often have dreams so vivid that I remember them so clearly. Truth be told, the dreams I remember tend to run to the mundane, and there aren't many that are memorable.

I want to avoid making anything out of it that isn't appropriate. I don't want to attach some significance to it that doesn't have, as though it were portentous. It could be just a very unusual dream.

…

In an abrupt transition to more mundane matters, it's been a fairly quiet day here at work. There's not too much to do; in fact, almost all of what was due today was already gone by the time my shift began. Fortunately, that left us to get a jump on tomorrow, which had many things due.

We had our monthly meeting today, which coupled with our first break immediately afterward, meant that we didn't get any work done for nearly forty minutes. They held the employee raffle as a award for our continued safety record. Plus, we had sundaes.

I had forgotten this coming Monday is Memorial Day. We've got a three-day weekend coming up! Since everyone is home, we'll probably just barbecue. Carne Asada is coming.

…

I realize that today's post presents two extremes, but sometimes that's the way things to. I'd like to write more like yesterday, but those posts are pretty few and far between.

Day one-hundred-thirty-eight

I needed a day like this. I needed a day of fellowship and reminders of how much God has blessed me  and how much I have to be thankful for. God is always good to me and I very much needed to be reminded of that reality.

Also, today I heard a very eye-opening message in our fellowship group at church. It made me see something about my faith that I had been struggling to understand. I saw that my faith is weak and it very much needs to grow. I learned that prayer and obedience to God is how we grow our faith, and I had been struggling to obey and trust God as I ought to be. Also, I learned just how important the basic truths of Scripture are in combating temptation, with our model being Jesus' own temptation by the devil after forty days in the wilderness.

However, even just seeing what's been going on and learning how to grow in faith and combat temptation has already been an enormous encouragement.

…

Today is the first anniversary of the marriage of two of my friends, Joshua and Samantha. Not many times in my life are so memorable as that weekend, but then, there's a lot worth remembering.

That weekend started the evening of Thursday, May 15th. I went to a midnight screening of the movie Star Trek Into Darkness. I had been looking forward to that movie for the two years leading up to this release. I saw it and enjoyed it at the time, but in retrospect, it's a little lacking. Benedict Cumberbatch is great as the villain that didn't need to secretly be Khan Noonien Singh (a literal whitewashing of an Indian Sikh character originally played by a Mexican actor, the great Ricardo Montalban). It doesn't help that the movie is painfully hamfisted in its politics, either.

Anyway, that Friday evening, I was invited to the rehearsal dinner despite not being a member of the wedding party. I helped Samie and Josh find the tables and chairs for the ceremony and reception, and a few other things here and there, I guess that's why. Because of that, I got to know Julia Dandurand, a friend of Samie's who sang at the ceremony. In particular, I never would've learned the story of how it had been her responsibility to kill opossums that would threaten the chickens in the pen in their backyard. Even more specifically, I wouldn't have learned about the time Julia once killed a pregnant opossum with a shovel.

I related that story to my sister Laura. Her response: "That's kind of badass."

The day of the ceremony was a blazing hot day. I wore my brand new black suit, the first suit I've ever owned. I never had a reason to get one until then, but I was happy to get it. I remember that it was such a long day getting everything ready at the park for the ceremony and at the Dandurands' house for the reception.

At one point, as we finished up at the Dandurands' house, I needed to get home in order to get changed for the ceremony. Mom had to run a last-minute errand and I had to wait for her to return. As a result of waiting out in the sun and having trimmed my hair to near-bald, I managed to get the worst sunburn I have ever had, and I got it literally on the top of my head. It was so bad, my scalp swelled. It was one of the most painful things I've ever experienced and it was all my fault. My scalp eventually healed but it's been a little sensitive to the heat ever since.

Still, it was a very beautiful ceremony, and as much as I'm sure they enjoyed it, seeing Samie and Josh coming together in God's presence in marriage made me hopeful for myself, that The Lord I hoped meant someone for me and was (and is) making us ready for one another.

We're almost done. I didn't realize this would be so long, but in recapping a weekend, there's a lot of information to cover. I just didn't realize I would be this productive after yesterday's morsel of mediocrity.

Monday morning, May 20, I had to take care of the last bit of wedding business. The party rental place had to come back and pick up all the tables and chairs. The Dandurands said I didn't have to come, but I said I would take care of it, since I had been left in charge of it. It was a good thing I had come, since there were tables that were not used and were stashed in the garage, when the pickup man came to retrieve them and we couldn't figure out what had happened to them at first. This was briefly problematic as whoever had set them up and hadn't told anyone they had put the tables away, if I hadn't come, the Dandurands would've been stuck dealing with a problem that wasn't theirs.

That's it, that's everything I have to stay about that whole weekend. It's been a blessing to know Samantha and Joshua, and I holt that I've been a blessing to them as they've been to me. I'm very thankful to The Lord for having had them in my life.

Day one-hundred-thirty-seven

I should start this by saying that yesterday was my sister Laura's birthday. Of course she spent it getting herself moved back into our house. I don't know if there are any plans to celebrate. I still need to buy a gift.

I had planned to go see Godzilla today, but it didn't pan out. As I write this, I'm alone at home. One sister is at work, while Mom, Dad, my brother and other sister have gone to see Mr. Peabody and Sherman. I didn't feel like going. I never go to the movies unless it's something I really want to see. In fact, if I had seen Godzilla like I had planned, it would've been the first time in exactly one year since I'd been to a theater.

I know for certain that it's been one year, because it's part of an important weekend, which I will write about tomorrow.

It's been a quiet day, otherwise. It's warm, but not as much as the last few days. They say we're supposed to be cooling down, but it won't last for too long.

Day one-hundred-thirty-six

It's one of those days where it's so hot that it just saps your energy. At least I can work in the digital room with the air conditioning, though not for much longer.

We've been able to stay ahead on our work, which is nice, but with days like this, it's hard to stay motivated. I pray that we (especially myself) would stay motivated to finish the day.  There's been just enough to keep busy, but we're plugging along.

Today, I did something I had not yet done in the three months I've been working here. Today was the first time I've had to deal directly with a customer. It was no big deal. He had come to pick up an order of thousands of labels for bottles of sex pills (no kidding, I've packed these very same labels before; this time, they totaled 80,000) and I had to rush to pack them. Then, to help the receptionist, I had to load them up in his car.

As a minor aside, if you looked like either member of the couple on the labels, you wouldn't need the pills, but anyway…

When I trained to work in the pharmacy, I deliberately chose a closed-door facility so that I wouldn't have to deal with customers or patients. By the time I had started, my brother and both of my sisters had been working in retail, and all three had made it clear that dealing with customers is pretty much the worst part. I think one of the things I like most about my job is that I only have to deal with co-workers and the occasional FedEx driver. I don't have to answer customer questions, I don't have to address customer complaints, I just need to make sure the work I do is done on time and done correctly. Good day or bad, I leave it behind and pick it up again the next workday.

I'm not thinking as much about changing jobs as I was not too long ago. First of all, my attitude about working here is starting to change for the better, and that's answered prayer, honestly. Secondly, there's not much in the way of jobs at the moment. I've been checking every so often to see what's out there, and it's not much. The job I have now meets my needs and is close to home. That's better than a lot of people can say, or what I could say for myself before mid-February.

Day one-hundred-thirty-five

I know I've said this a few times over the past few days, but it's too hot today. This may be the hottest day yet. It's 7:30 pm and it's still 92 degrees in the warehouse. The worst part is that it's going to be like this pretty consistently for the next few months, as we head into summer.

Mom and Dad left for Fresno earlier today, to help my sister move back home. If it's this hot here, it must be at least as warm up north. They should be back sometime tomorrow afternoon. Hopefully, there will be no trouble.

…

Have you ever thought much about your own thoughts? I mean, have you considered the things you tend to think about? Beyond that, have you ever thought about where your thoughts tend to go when you're not paying attention?

I've found in my own experience that my thoughts tend to become very bleak and dark if I'm not really paying attention to them. Part of it must be having a rather pessimistic personality, but that's not an adequate answer on its own.

The real problem is sin. Our minds are as prone to the temptations of sin as any other part of ourselves. The fact is that my thoughts lead me astray if I allow them to wander. I need to cultivate a new way of thinking.

Fortunately, Scripture gives us a starting point. Philippians 4:8 says, "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

Our thoughts should be occupied with the things of God, essentially. We are to occupy our thoughts with such things. We ought to carefully consider the things that The Lord has revealed to us.

None of us does this as frequently or as consistently as we should. I certainly don't. But, I pray that we all would take this verse to heart. It's a reminder that we are called to give our all to The Lord, heart, soul, and mind.

Day one-hundred-thirty-four

It's too hot today, especially out in the warehouse. It's been a while since I've had to work out on the floor. I'm glad I don't have to work out there at the moment. However, I now know for a fact that things are going to change soon.

About an hour and a half ago (this is a little after 6:00 pm as I write this), we found out that within the next one to two months, the packers and cutters in the digital room will be moving back onto the warehouse floor. We've all known this was coming, but until now, there had been no clear indication of when it was going to happen. I remember being told things were coming to change in "a couple of weeks", and that was about a month and a half ago.

So, I guess that means we should enjoy the air conditioning in the digital room while we have it. The warehouse has never really been cool, except once, during a meeting on a rainy Saturday when none of the machines were running. On a cold day, mid-shift, with everyone running around and all the machines going, I've only seen it dip as low as seventy degrees.

So, as we move into summer, I hope that we stay safe. We've already had a safety meeting regarding watching out for heat exhaustion and/or heat stroke. They've brought out water and Gatorade, which is nice, but they've also brought out large fans that only work as well as someone standing in front of one is sweating. Most of the time, you're just being hit with a steady stream of hot air.

This move is all being done in the name of increasing efficiency. Theoretically, this should make everyone's work easier, but it definitely makes our work more uncomfortable.

Day one-hundred-thirty-three

It's too hot today. Everyone seems to have that rundown feeling. Fortunately, we have less than two hours of work left as I write this, and it hasn't been too busy a day.

Truth be told, we seem to finally be entering the anticipated slowdown period. Work is going to be a little easier for everyone, which is nice now that the weather is starting to become consistently hot one day to the next.

The downside is that it seems like there just might not be enough work to go around. When things start to slow down on the warehouse floor, oftentimes packers will be sent in to work on our roll labels. Sometimes, they don't always finish, so sometimes they go temporarily "missing".

Still, people get things done. The managers make sure of it, since they're ultimately responsible for whether or not the work gets done. Of course, we're held accountable for what we do or don't do.

That reminds me, performance evaluations are going on right now. I don't know when my turn is coming, but they only have three months of work to look back on. I've stayed out of trouble, earned employee of the month, and they're happy with the the changes in the digital room. We'll see what happens.
…

Nice day, though. I'm home now, sitting on the floor of our darkened hallway, keeping cool. I've got to make sure the trash bins are out for tomorrow morning.

Day one-hundred-thirty-two

Back at work today. As usual, the weekend seems to go by far too quickly. It seems like time in general is going by faster than before.

It's a sobering reminder to make the best use of the time God has given us. Scripture says our days are numbered as the hairs on our heads; we may have a lot of days in this life, but even then only a finite number.

How many times have I let things go by simply because I didn't want to be bothered? More than I can count. Opportunities, times for fellowship, a myriad of things that fell by the wayside simply because I didn't want to take the time. Time is one of the most precious commodities we have, and it's one that we as human beings are perhaps most prone to waste.

Scripture reminds us to redeem the time. I pray that God would help me in redeeming mine.

Update-11:25 pm- I just got home, having drawn some last-minute overtime. We had some work that came to us late, and we still had to get it out in time. We did, barely. This is the first night in quite a whole that we've been this late.

Day one-hundred-thirty-one

Happy another's Day to all twelve of you who read this blog. Seriously, that's about how many people read this blog on any particular day.

Today doesn't feel like a Sunday. Certain days seem to have a "feel", particularly due to the habits of particular days. Today doesn't feel like a Sunday, probably because I didn't go to church this morning.  None of us did this morning.

We had talked about getting together with some cousins who had come into town this weekend, but it didn't happen. It's probably for the best, since Mom spent most of the day feeling under the weather. Because of her fibromyalgia, and a torn rotator cuff, Mom does exercises for physical therapy. When she does them, she ends up feeling nauseous for some reason. It wound up being for tv best that we didn't get together. Mom wanted to do it, but in the end, she wouldn't have been up to it physically.

Other than that, it's been a generally quiet day.  I need to to find a truck or can through a car rental agency. At the end of the week, Mom and Dad are heading up to Fresno to bring Laura and all her stuff home.

That reminds me, this Friday is Laura's birthday. I wonder what she wants. I'd better ask her.

Day one-hundred-thirty

Lazy Saturday. Not much going on. After being out all work, it's nice to have one day where I don't have to be anywhere.

As I write this, I'm resisting the temptation to take a nap. It's very easy for me to fall asleep during the day, but not so much at night. If I nap right now, I'll end up going to sleep that much later. Tomorrow being Sunday, the only day where I have to wake up before 10:00 am, makes it extra tough.

Yes, that's correct, 10:00 am.

…

After tying for almost two weeks, my sister and mom were able to procure tickets to see Paul McCartney at Dodgers Stadium this summer. First, my sister tried winning them over the radio, but no dice. Next, they tried to get some through my cousin who has a friend who works at the stadium. No dice there either. Finally, through StubHub and a very slow desktop, my brother was able to get them two tickets this afternoon.

It's getting harder for me to keep my eyes open. I think I'll wrap this one up.

Day one-hundred-twenty-nine

It's amazing how quickly this week seems to have gone by. I'm glad it's Friday, but at the same time, I wonder where the time has gone. Time in general seems to go by more quickly than before. Sometimes it seems there's less time for everything.

I feel like I'm in a fog right now. I think we all are, here at work. It's the end of a busy week, everyone's anticipating the weekend.  It's very easy for that foggy feeling to come over in our line of work. It's extremely repetitive and not what would be considered challenging. All too often, you can be plugging along and find you've fallen into a lull.

They're hiring to fill a couple of open positions here at work. Honestly, I'd not really interested in promoting here; I would be if I liked my work more. I'm still not entirely certain if I'm still going to move out of the digital room to help the shipping manager. Things seem to be in flux right now.

I think what it all boils down to is this: I'm ready for this week to be over and I want to go home. Mind you, it's been a good week of work, but I'm just ready for it to finish.

Fortunately, we've got less than two hours left for work today and for the week. The funny thing is, I'll actually have a ride home tonight, but we have to get my sister from work, so it's entirely possible that tonight's post may end up posting late, if I can get it up at all today.

Update-10:44 pm: Olivia won't be out of work until later. I'm home on time with my Mother's Day gift for Mom, courtesy of my co-worker Ana.

Day one-hundred-twenty-eight

Sometimes, it surprises me how, after being saved and more than two years of spiritual growth plus the cultivation of several very precious friendships, it is still so difficult for me to engage other people.

It's still all too easy for me to hold other people at arm's length. Some of it is due to shyness. I can still be as shy around people I know as among a room full of strangers.

I think it's been weighing on my mind today for a reason. Something had been clearly weighing on the mind of a co-worker of mine. She seemed to have gotten some kind of bad news, of what I do not know. I thought about asking her what was wrong, but I didn't know how. She spoke to another lady we work with about it, but didn't say anything to the rest of us. Our workspace isn't really the best place in which to talk privately anyway.

I thought about asking her what was wrong, but I didn't really know how. She felt comfortable enough to share what was wrong with someone else, but not with the rest of us. I made me think that perhaps I shouldn't intrude, and in any case, she was able to continue working and was in better spirits by the end of the day.

I pray (thought not as often as I should) that God would help me to overcome the reticence I have toward reaching out to other people. Some of it may be pride, some of it may be shyness, some of it may be me having to deal with not caring for others for so much of my life and having to deal with the effects of that:

Day one-hundred-twenty-seven

I'm on break at work as I write this (4:02 pm) and I've been hit by the midweek doldrums. It hasn't even been particularly busy today; most of what's due has already been sent out. We're just at the point where we've got to find our second wind to finish out the week.

…

Lately, it seems that more and more of my thoughts are occupied with the idea of finding a girlfriend, and beyond that, I often think about finding the woman I hope God means to be my wife. I have wanted one for a very long time, but I haven't been ready for one. I'm still not sure that I am now.

I often think about her, though, whoever she may be. I wonder who she is, where she is, if I've met her, if she even knows The Lord at this point in her life or not. I wonder if she's with someone else. Is she married, single, widowed, divorced? Will The Lord lead me somewhere away from here to find her, or will He lead her here? I wonder about what she looks like. Will I know her when I see her, or will it take time for that knowledge to become clear? I even pray for her; God knows who she is, even as I do not.

On very rare occasions, and I'm not lying to you about their rarity, I wonder if she ever thinks about me.

As you've clearly noticed, these things occupy a good deal of my thoughts. It is a sobering thought, for example, to realize that by the time my parents were my age (29 as of this writing), they were already married.

Dad has told me that he thinks that with all that's been going on, he believes that I'm going through a period of preparation. I wonder if I'm being prepared for more than I realize.

Day one-hundred-twenty-six

If you're reading this, it's after 11:00 pm. The wifi connection at work isn't very good today, so I'm back to writing these posts in the Notes app on my iPod Touch.

Not much to say for today. Busy, but not too much. There's been just enough to keep all of us in the digital room working. From what I've been hearing, production all over the place has been heading into the anticipated slowdown for the summer.

I don't know how it started, but today, my coworkers were talking about the devil. One of my coworkers asked me if I knew where his name, Lucifer, came from. I told it was Greek, and that it meant "bearer of light", befitting his former place as the most prominent angel. I don't know where God will lead future conversations like this in the future, but may I be prepared and willing to share the gospel if and when the opportunity comes.

I'm continuing to read At The Throne of Grace, and I have to say that it's been enriching to my prayer life. It's caused me to consider how I've been praying and to reconsider how I ought to pray. If you're struggling with how to pray or about what you should pray for, and for having a biblical perspective on prayer, read this book. I've found it to be very encouraging.

Day one-hundred-twenty-five

More stuff about work (I get so tired of writing about work, but there's not much else right now).

There's a safety lunch going on right now. The production department had a solid month of no serious injuries, so we got a lunch. I'm not having any; it's El Pollo Loco and the only thing I like from there is the chicken. I'm honestly not in the mood to explain that's all I would eat.

They released the monthly newsletter for the company. My picture is on the front page. I honestly can't remember if I mentioned it (partly due to extreme reluctance on my part to even mention it here) but I was named employee of the month. I was given $100.00 worth of Visa gift cards as a reward, which were useful. I can't remember if I mentioned it because it happened two weeks ago and I haven't much thought about it since.

Corporate came calling today. I don't know what's going to happen but lots of changes have been planned and promised. I'm not holding my breath. It's been a battle just to get extra help. If any good has come of all this stuff, it's kept me in prayer. So I guess I can't really complain, even if I want to.

…

Update-8:32 pm: I want to apologize about what I wrote prior to this. I was in a lousy mood and I felt like complaining.

I briefly considered completely deleting this post and starting again. I decided against it as I felt it was better to just be honest rather than pretend it didn't happen. As long as I've been writing this blog, I've always strove to be as honest as possible with whoever reads this (all twelve of you).

I did have some chicken after all, by the way. It was delicious.

Day one-hundred-twenty-four

Today's been one of those days where nothing has quite turned out the way it appeared it would. I had planned to go to the earlier service at church this morning. I wound up going to the later service. There were plans to go to my cousin's house for a visit. That didn't happen. I was invited to go out with some friends I hadn't seen in a long while. I didn't go.

Still, it's been a better day than I've had in a while. I got to go to worship this morning, I did get to see my friends, and I'm at home, about ready to take a nap.

Even when things don't turn out the way we want, God is good to us. He certainly is to me.

Day one-hundred-twenty-three

I realized something about myself while at work yesterday.

I've been a spiritual brat. I don't really know how else to put it.

I think it all started when I faced the possibility of being promoted. I didn't really want it, but I chose to accept the possibility because I think God wanted me to do it. I like my job sometimes and I hate it sometimes, but I've never loved it. I didn't really want more responsibility at a job I wasn't keen on keeping.

I think I was ignoring my bad attitude, and when you ignore a sin of any kind, it doesn't go away. It festers and starts to affect everything else. I've been walking around for weeks carrying all this inside my heart. It rotted my spirit, and more importantly, hampered my trusting God as I ought to have been. I found myself growing bitter, nasty, and even hateful toward others and especially toward God.

And I was so lost inside myself, I didn't know why I felt the way I did. I certainly didn't want to be any of these things. I couldn't make send of what was happening, I just desperately wanted it to stop.

The more I think of it, the more I think it's all part of God answering my prayer to have a more humble heart. I had to face a lot of horrible sins that rose up out of the depths of my soul. I'm thankful for God's faithfulness and eagerness to forgive. I had so much over the past few weeks that I needed to have forgiven and I'm thankful that God is so willing and eager to forgive. There's nothing else.

I still get so caught up in myself and my own sins that I keep falling into those sins. Nothing makes me more miserable than thinking about myself. At the same time, as anyone can tell you, nothing comes much easier.

Day one-hundred-twenty-two

Not a bad day at work today. It's been busy enough, but not too much, which is nice considering how hot it's been the last few days.

Today, I finally started reading At The Throne of Grace by John MacArthur. I say "finally" because I've had a copy of the book for almost two years. Actually, I have two: one that I bought two years ago at a conference and one a friend gave me for by birthday last year.

I asked a friend to remind me each day to read from it. I realized that I needed the accountability of a brother (or sister) to do what I needed to do.

I got as far as finishing the foreword. This has already proved to be valuable and encouraging. In the foreword, John examines the Lord's Prayer and in particular, notes that our model for prayer is concerned with others over ourselves (Our Father, our bread, etc.)

It made me realize that my prayers have been very self-interested lately. I've been seeing a lot of old sin coming up in my heart and my thoughts. I realize that this is indeed an answer to prayer, namely, that God would give me a more humble heart. If I'm to cultivate true humility, I need to turn from those sins that would hinder such humility.

In any case, it's affected my prayer life. My prayers have been extremely self-oriented. I've been praying for a solution to my problems while I failed to realize that I had a wrong attitude. I should've been using prayer to glorify God and to lift up my brothers and sisters, and I wasn't.

Anyway, I've begun rethinking how I ought to be praying, to glorify The Lord and to lift up my brothers and sisters.

All because of a book I could've read long ago. I didn't do it then, but I can do it now, by the grace of God.

Day one-hundred-twenty-one

It's been a pretty good day at work so far. It's been busy, but not too much. Considering it's Thursday, our busiest workday with very little exception, it's actually kind of light.

I've been thinking more and more about how it seems that lately, I've had few opportunities for fellowship. Ever since I was hired here, I haven't been able to attend a regular Bible study. It will be three months on May 10 that I've been working here, and longer since I've attended a study. I'll admit that my attendance got to be rather lax by the end, but not having it has made me realize just how badly I need it.

Lately, my single greatest fellowship opportunity has been church on Sundays, and I'm usually able to attend on a regular basis. It seems like I always end up hearing a message that I needed to hear, even if I didn't realize I needed to hear it at first. God is always good to me in leading me to fellowship, but lately it just seems like those opportunities have been few and far between.


One of the most valuable things about fellowship is the accountability to others. I've been lacking in this, by my own admission. Today, I asked a friend of mine if he would remind me once a day to read through At The Throne of Grace by John MacArthur. I've been meaning to read it for some time, but I've admittedly packed the discipline to do so. If I make myself accountable to someone in this, I hope that I will begin to cultivate the discipline I need.