Day twenty-four

I had my job interview this morning. I'm happy to report that it went very well. Once I got there, I had to fill out a formal application, which gave me time to stop and calm down. This time around, I was a lot more comfortable and a lot more confident. Thank you, Lord, for watching over me and thank you to those who were praying for me.

When I went for the pharmacy interview in December, I must have seemed as unprepared as I felt. Although I tried to be optimistic, I walked out of that building knowing I wasn't going to be hired. It's hard to sell yourself to a potential employer if you're not sure about you're selling. I know I wouldn't have hired me. This time however, I was more calm and felt better able to sell myself.

I've spent the last week in prayer about a lot of things. I prayed that my back would get better (it has), that I would be ready for the interview (I was), and that I would trust God in whatever circumstance He allowed. This last one has been my most fervent prayer, as it's the one with which I struggle most. I struggle in trusting God as I ought to, that is, fully and always. When I finished reading the very good book Trusting God by Jerry Bridges, I realized that while I had trusted The Lord to be my Savior, I wasn't trusting Him to be The Lord of my life. At least, not the way I ought to have been.

Proverbs 3:5-6 says "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths." I struggle with surrendering to God and trusting Him implicitly. I face the sometimes daunting temptation to demand answers from God, asking why He allows some things to happen and not others, especially when he sometimes allows seems harsh or difficult. I've spent a lot of time in prayer about this issue, and still I struggle. 

Still, God is good to me. 1 Peter 5:7 tells us to "cast your cares upon The Lord, for He cares for you." God is faithful to all of us, and He is certainly faithful to me. Pray that I would continue to turn from the bitter, particularly disheartening sin of distrust. The Lord deserves my love and trust, and I want to give it to Him fully.