Today I heard a very eye-opening message at church. In our fellowship group, we have been going through Ephesians chapter 6, in particular the section about the armor of God. In beginning his message, our pastor pointed out that while we are called to wrestle against sin, sometimes the struggle can been sinfully redirected at God. We can sometime find ourselves struggling against the One who promised to be our strength in times of struggle, invoking the literal example of Jacob's wrestling with God where his hip was put out of joint by God's touch.
It made me realize that I had been grappling with God myself. Rather than submitting to Him as I ought to have been, I had been resisting Him, His love, and His instruction. I was dragging my feet with The Lord, failing to trust Him and sometimes not really wanting to trust.
Rather than being discouraged, I was convicted. That one point in the message made me see where I had been struggling. When I got home, I prayed to The Lord, pleading with Him that He help me to stop fighting Him and to start trusting Him as I should.
Now, my heart is still, filled with the peace of God which I haven't felt in a good while. Not that it was ever removed, but that my heart was in a place where sin was preventing from seeing and experiencing its reality.
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